Wednesday, November 25, 2009

(kiwi)dipthong..thong..thong..thong. thong!


Ayelo theyuh! Nu Zuilund fanz,
Toodaiys post eees ment ta b red n a Keewee accent. Sew, pleyuz set bak, poor ya'self a toll won, an don't forget to red a'loud while standin' on your hed, eh?

Now wheyuh were we... ah thas right. heyuh in jeisus chroistchurch, eh? Now, we're sitting heyuh on our heds with our new mate and naybuh, Clare. Clare's a Chroistchurch naitive, aka eh, Kiwi, eh? Eh. Now, Clare's anartist, and she 'appens to alsew be in rezidnece at the ChroistchurchArtes Centre. We've bin 'avin a groit time of it gittin to no her.

Still with us? Yea? Not too knackered yet? Alright. Aces. Sew, Clare. Tell the folks in America something about yourself, mebbe a bit about yor practis:

"Wot me? oh ma gawd, I'm going ta git some whisky."
(editors note: Clare's right, it is annoying what we're subjecting her to. She a very good sport. eh?)
"Baisically it's hard to not sound like a wanka.."
Groit, eggselent point. Now, for the folks at 'ome, eef you had to chewuz just won, wots your favorite kiwi expreshun. Mebbe a noice cheeky won. Go on...

"How about a nu zeelund conspiracy myth instead? Wot about the Rambo worior-"

Rambo?

"Uh...newuh... raiNbow. Basically it was protesting against nucleayuh testing in Fre-anch Polyneeeesha "

Oh oh you mean Rainbow Warrior, the ship.

"Yea. Rainbow Warrior belonged to Greenpeace, and it got bombed, well it got sunk. it sank in the port of Awcklund. In the urly 1980's. Nu Zealund has been neayuhly nucleayah free, not just the land the woters also. Sew we don't allow any of your US ships that have nucleayah power into our woters. Sew the story goes that it was two Fre-anch agents who worked from the inside."

Gentle raidars, pleyz wiki for more enfo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinking_of_the_Rainbow_Warrior

(Sohry 'Nessa, we dewn't know how to properly dew linx. No worries eh?)

Grayte, sew now we knowah. Nu Zeallunnd: No-ah Nukes. No-ah Snakes. No-ah squirrils. No-ah cops with guns. No-ah shirts and no-ah jandals but ya steel git sirvuce. But you don't have to tip.

Alright mates. Seeya laytuh. S'long from the bottom of th' world.
The luvly Clayah


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